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I have been so tired lately. Endless ideas and thinking, 15+ hours a day sleeping, physical illness, and a huge 3 weeks of work coming up.

I want to make pies, sweet and savoury, but I know my stomach isn't stable enough to handle them. I'm all out of my #1 food, and can't get more for a while.
Blegh.

I feel like there'a a bit of a gross oil-slick on things right now. Like I need to wash my theoretical hands a few times over with a de-greasing soap.

Eugh.
What have I gotten myself into.

I've got warm-fuzzies on sveral accounts today. Dylan and I got extremely good news yesterday, and I feel absolutely renewed. Things are progressing well, and the amount of stress that was instantly vanquished? It is great. Greater than great.

I can't wait to go home.

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ABHORASH
00:39 Apr 27 2019

I am glad that whatever *it* was is no longer troubling you. :)

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It's been a weird week. I am hoping it gets better.
It can be hard to try remain overwhelmingly positive, to keep my head above water, always oozing a cheery facade.

It's 3am, and I just woke up. I had such strange dreams about VR. So strange.

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ABHORASH
05:50 Apr 26 2019

I hope things get better for you, too. And for the record.... A cheery Facade isn't always necessary. It's ok to embrace whatever feelings you are having. Study them then decide for yourself which ones to dispose of, and when.


I am quite sure you have people in your life that would allow you to use them as a sounding board while you work through the things you re trying to mask.

Not that I'm any good at it myself, mind you. I normally turn antisocial and disappear for a day or two, or a week. lol

I hope whatever is happening in your life turns out for the best and brings you at least a modicum of joy.



Be well.

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Owlish
08:22 Apr 26 2019

Thank you! I got excellent news yesterday and feel much, much better, but I was so deflated. Usually I am all "honour your feelings and allow yourself time to process", but not when I wrote this.
I think talking more about it *and* disconnecting a bit may be the good option this time, haha.

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"To let go is to release the images and emotions, the grudges and fears, the clingings and disappointments of the past that bind our spirit."– Jack Kornfield.

I have an ever-growing list of places to test for dinner. A list of shoes, dresses and skirts that I want. About 10 different lipsticks.

Gah. One day soon.

I've found the perfect dress, and it is unfortunately... very expensive. I reconciled with doubling my original budget but this is extravagance. Absolute ridiculousness. I've found another version that's less expensive... and even that one is x3 original budget.
It's not the style I anticipated myself liking. Heck, I didn't want a dress at all, and if I DID get one, it wouldn't have been this one.
I do not see the point in spending so much money on a dress that will be worn for 12 hours, max. And yet... it's also my only chance to wear something so opulent, unless I take to wearing wedding dresses to Walmart. Heh.
I have half a set already, but I have to find a top half that goes with it. I could always try make one, order in the fabric from the dress that I so adore (which is only $12 a metre), and sew my own bodice...
Things to ponder.

I don't know. I have time to think aboout it. For the price of the completed dress, I could get both sleeves finished, and they will last much longer than the dress.

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Judgement
20:43 Apr 15 2019

Go big or go home o:

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I downloaded a running app with a zombie theme. It sounds nifty. My friend/boss asked if I want to run a pretty popular marathon with her. I told her "No thanks", but I still want to get back into running. I miss it. I never went too far previously due to fear of getting lost or something bad happening, but I feel fairly safe here and it's worth a shot. I want to try for two days a week, initially but eventually want to run 4-5 days a week. A day of swimming or boxing would also be good.
Who knows - I could maybe sign up for the 5km. I have 6 months before the marathon, so I have time to train for a smaller portion. I used to want to do this, when I jogged previously, and it feels nice to be excited about it again.

It's weird to think that sometimes as much as I may want to, I can't just tip everything out into here anymore.

I am still trying to grasp the mechanisms of VR. I did a double shift yesterday and will likely be doing a double today, and possibly one on the weekend, or tomorrow, too. My feet hurt, my back hurts, and by the end of the day, my side is killing me... but it's fun.
Yesterday I made roughly 100 cookies, and 16 batches of cookie dough. It's entertaining. It's a positive creative outlet.

Recently things went a bit pear shaped.

I read a quote, "When you put up boundaries with someone, their reaction says all you need to know." (Unknown).

Every time I have had to do this in my life, it has had the same result - proving me right in my need for distance. Its been a weird, long, validating, and cathartic week.

I feel the brush of fur, the gentle rake of claws, the deceptive mews, once again. It's hard. I want to get up tomorrow for a jog. I skinned the back of one of my ankles (didn't wear socks... ouch), and I think it's healed enough to jog with, now.

After so long of neglecting to put time in here, I feel... clunky with the controls. It took me an embarrassingly long time to do some simple navigation, and with the touch-screen, I accidentally press profiles/journals I don't mean to press. And the typos! Oh, the typos...

Daylight savings just ended, and I am fairly sure I will be doing... something tomorrow (or later today), so I need to sleep, but am unable to. I got the weirdest bout of illness this week. I woke up and my throat felt raw, and my voice was whispery. It felt and sounded like I had blown out my voice box - but I haven't. It felt like I had destroyed my throat screaming.
... I haven't been screaming. It is a really bizarre feeling.

COMMENTS

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ReaperSoulMate
19:40 Apr 06 2019

Try drinking some tea if you really like tea :)

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IntimateFlames
20:17 Apr 06 2019

i agree

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I'd so love to foster kittens sometime soon. There's many, many positives and only a few drawbacks. I would want to get ones that need to be fed every 6hrs vs every 2-4, purely because of my work schedule (and I can't take them into work with me).
Heck, even volunteering at a shelter may give me the good feels that I need. I miss being around small fluffies.

There was a huge dust storm yesterday. I haven't experienced one since I was a child. It took me a fair while to figure out why the sky was browny-orange, I admit. Vaguely shameful, haha.
Sometimes I am so full of energy, and want to run and jog, skip snd jump - the dust storm settled that a little, yesterday. I've got bad lungs after illness a few years back, and don't want to make things worse. I don't feel like it's a good idea for me to jog for a day or two, just to be absolutely safe.
Otherwise? Maybe I should buy a fitbit for inspiration. Heh!

I really miss food from home. It's taking much self restraint to resist buying 5-10 boxes of instamash, specific crisps, and protein bars.

Gah. I appreciate the food here, but it is just another thing that feels weird for me.

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IntimateFlames
20:17 Apr 06 2019

where are you?

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Owlish
14:44 Apr 07 2019

Overseas for a while.

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I had to chuckle...
One of VR's ads that pops up on the top of the page? It's a buisness we're in direct competition with, haha.

I am loving work. I am loving the learning and creative sides. I spent 12hrs the other day, decorating and rolling out fondant. It was incredibly good fun.